Narrative, smarrative! This is a fine poem, full stop. I liked the whole approach, there are some really magical lines and the dark fairy-tale narrative-but-more is just beautifully done. Levels and levels of meaning.
Thanks Watercats - The shining thing only occurred to me after I'd written it. It's a little crushing to discover you're not as original as you'd like to think ;)
NanU, Thank you!
Titus - you always say the nicest things. Thank you!
I like narrative poems and there's nothing wrong with them. I like this one I could really 'see' the kids running up and down screaming - and then the stillness of the ending afterwards. Neat!
shades of disturbing and joy mish mapped mopped up.Your trade mark punchline tidies all and I love this
'Forgotten ghosts burst into the air like startled birds and flutter through the corridors, through windows, open doors, then come to rest on lawns and gravelled paths like discarded clothes.'
I think the beast missed them. ; )
ReplyDeleteA captivating narrative poem here, P.F.
I love the fairy taleness of this poem... and it reminded me of the shining too (I guess that would be the hotel)
ReplyDeletebrill writing!
neat story!
ReplyDeleteJeanne Iris, thank you. I read recently that narrative poems are deeply unfashionable - all I know is I like them ;)
ReplyDeleteNarrative, smarrative! This is a fine poem, full stop. I liked the whole approach, there are some really magical lines and the dark fairy-tale narrative-but-more is just beautifully done. Levels and levels of meaning.
ReplyDeleteThanks Watercats - The shining thing only occurred to me after I'd written it. It's a little crushing to discover you're not as original as you'd like to think ;)
ReplyDeleteNanU, Thank you!
Titus - you always say the nicest things. Thank you!
Love this! Noisy and Leggy :-)
ReplyDeleteI like narrative poems and there's nothing wrong with them. I like this one I could really 'see' the kids running up and down screaming - and then the stillness of the ending afterwards. Neat!
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely, great shifts of mood within it - the sinister giving way to fun, and on to satisfaction. Very nice.
ReplyDeleteshades of disturbing and joy mish mapped mopped up.Your trade mark punchline tidies all and I love this
ReplyDelete'Forgotten ghosts burst into the air
like startled birds and flutter through
the corridors, through windows, open doors,
then come to rest on lawns and gravelled
paths like discarded clothes.'
Deadly delicious.
Padhraig, thanks a million - and nice driving. There were so many fantastic poems this week, and all so different. Really enjoyed reading them.
ReplyDeleteArgent, thanks - glad you liked it!
Niamh, thanks for that :)
Tfe, Thanks a million - pity you didn't get to jump on board. Would've loved to see what you would have come up with.
I'm liking that new header!
ReplyDeleteGood one - especially the delightfully surreal penultimate stanza.
ReplyDeleteThanks tfe - that's high praise coming from you!
ReplyDeleteHi Dominic, thanks for reading :)